I think strep is finally on the way out of the house, praise the Lord! It has been a long week for my daughter. Poor thing! I hope you don't mind giving us a few extra days to get the budget and savings pages up in the shop. She is moving a little more slowly than usual! :)
One of the things that she and I have been talking about over this week is how we have changed over the past number of years. Sometimes, when you have been through a trauma or change in your life - say a death, a deep sorrow, a medical diagnosis, an accident - you can find yourself holding on to who you were "before that happened", rather than acknowledging the fact that you have changed and moving forward with your new normal. I know that that is absolutely true for me. I hang on to the "befores"... "I used to be able to eat (fill in the blank... potatoes, wheat, oreos, pretzels)" "I used to be a good cook...", "I always wanted to..." But that isn't who I am right now! God has been pruning things from my life. Am I willing to let them go, or am I trying to glue the branches back onto my tree?? True growth isn't going to come from dead branches, but only through those areas where God is currently working in my life.
In order to help me think through the "new me", I have started a list in my planner that I can keep adding to. I started with easy things - things I enjoy doing like coloring, things that I want to learn like calligraphy, and things that describe me right now - like allergies and getting exhausted. I also wrote down insights into myself - like the fact that I am not a "planner girl" in the current, trendy sense of the word. I don't decorate my planner. I don't spend hours putting washi tape on it and stamping full page spreads. A planner to me is a tool. I love for it to be beautiful - like the Promise Pack pages I wrote my list on, but I love it even more if it is functional. You might be the opposite. There is room in a planner for stamps and tape and pretty clips! But no matter how hard I try and how much I beat myself up, that can't be my focus right now, because it isn't me.
What is me is the note right in the middle of the Promise Pack page above...
I am the girl who wants to know Christ more than anything.
If I have a passion in life, that is it.
"That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His suffering, being made conformable to His death."
If there is a reason for planning our days it is because of Him. If there is a reason for loving our families and taking care of our homes it is because of Him. If there is a life to be lived on this side of grief and hurt and pain and depression and food allergies and physical ailments and tragedies it is only because of Him.
I'll be working on my list some more as the new year approaches and beyond to see what the Lord would like to show me. Here's the list of questions I'm going to use to help me think, in case you'd like to join me...
What major changes have I been dealing with?
"Who am I now?" Not - "Who did I use to be?"
What do I enjoy doing? What brings me satisfaction?
What don't I enjoy doing anymore? Do I need to let it go or make some changes?
What emotions have I been denying that I need to face and let Christ transform?
What are some things I would like to learn and/or do this coming year?
Thanks so much for coming along with my on my end of the year journey. I'll be back in a day or two. I'll see you then!